Author Archive for Gary Douglas

What Would Make You Thrilled With Your Life?

gents-07Do you really want a relationship? Would you rather have great sex occasionally? What would you like to have? What would make you thrilled with your life? That’s the most important thing you can choose. If you choose that, women will want you like crazy. If you don’t choose that, you’ll be giving you up all the time as though that’s what’s valuable.

If you truly want to have a relationship, let’s get you a good one, damn it. You’ve got bad relationships down to a fine science. You need to look at whether it’s going to work for you and whether it’s going to work for the person you want to have relationship with.

A couple of years ago, I realized there was a woman I could have a relationship with and it would really work for me, but I saw that what she wanted was something I couldn’t give her. The relationship wasn’t going to work for her. So I gave up the potential of the relationship in favor of her getting what she wanted.

You have to look at all those things and be aware of them. You have to look at this stuff from a different place.

Have you ever asked for a relationship where you have to give up no part of you? Where you get to have all of you no matter what the situation is? Women think they have to require you to give yourself up, but if you give yourself up, they want to get rid of you.

Have you ever given up your choice of who you could have in your life based on your relationship? Do you notice that, when you don’t give yourself up, there are more women who find you attractive? When you don’t give yourself up, does your partner want you more than she did before?

Stop giving yourself up, because what a woman truly wants, requires, and desires of a man is that he not give himself up. She wants a man who is willing to be everything he is rather than just some of the things he is.

Review: Being a Man in This Reality by Paul Kearney

gents08Being a man in this reality can be really challenging. We are supposed to be the Bruce Willis type character in Naked Gun that has the muscles and all the answers and can provide and be strong and cover everything. In reality, this is so often not the case, with kind sensitive men finding it very hard to find a place in the world where they can be this kindness in a strong and gentle way without being made wrong for it.

For me, The Gentlemen’s Club really allowed me to step out of my wrongness and realise that being kind and sensitive and caring was okay and that lots of men feel like this. So often, men do not talk to each other and we isolate and this has devastating affects with depression, anxiety and suicide rates all very high among men and particularly between the ages of 15 – 25 years of age. I feel every man should be given a copy of The Gentlemen’s Club or a similar book that says it is okay to be sensitive and kind and that there is a place for this level of kindness in the world. So often we got lost in our wrongness and cannot see a way out and it can become a dim and dark hole. Men are trained as fixers and they are supposed to be problem solvers and as the world evolves so quickly, the role of men and women has changed so rapidly that many are left confused and this is equally true for me. The gentlemen’s club really helped me to see that I can be strong and honest and kind and by just being myself and that is enough and all that is required.

A big area that Gary covers is the relationship between men and women and one of the big realisations that I got was that I may never understand women . . and that is okay. I do not need to understand women. I do need to appreciate and respect the woman in my life and treat her with kindness but also know when to step away and realise that I am a valuable product too. So often, we see women as the most amazing and wonderful thing (which they are) but then we give ourselves away and this happens for both men and women. As we cut off parts of ourselves, less and less of ourselves turn up in the relationship. This is detrimental to ourselves and the relationship. I really got a lot of insights into relationship with the gentlemen’s club.

Overall, it is a fantastic resource for men and also a helpful insight for women into how men function. Gary really facilitated very skilfully allowed people to see new possibilities that never seemed possible before.

Kindest regards,

Paul Kearney

What Kind of Future Is She Trying to Create?

gents-06Originally, women’s job was to be willing and able to create a future, because women are more willing to see it than most men are. It doesn’t mean they’re better. It just means they’re more willing.

Most humanoid men would rather have a comfortable life and create a nest for their children than go out in the world and conquer it.

Women want to create a future. The travesty done to women has been to make them believe that their desire for the future is about children, which is not actually so. They are not doing what they’re doing for children. They’re doing what they’re doing for what will create a different possibility.

When you’re with a woman, you have to look at “What kind of future is she trying to create here?” If she is trying to create a future that is about having children, she’s buying into this reality. Is that the reality you want to live by? If you get that she’s trying to create babies, are you going to have the same kind of relationship with her that you would if she wasn’t?

If you start looking at what the future is that she is trying to create, you will no longer buy into the wrongness of you. When a woman is willing to create a future that includes you, it’s not going to make the wrongness of you more real than the choice you make.

What would you create if you knew what future she was trying to create? If she’s trying to create a greater future than you’re willing to have, can you be with her? Probably not.

You have to be willing to create the future she’s willing to have. How great a future is she willing to have? If you’re willing to know that, you can create anything with her. You can create a relationship. Let’s say you were with a woman who desired to go out and conquer the world and you were perfectly happy being home, not doing a whole lot. If that was the case, could that woman stay with you? Probably not. Then you’d have to ask, “Can we create anything good?”

The only way you can create a relationship is if her desire for future and your capacity to go there can match. If you look at the relationships that haven’t worked for you in the past, did the woman have a desire for a future that you had no desire for? That is why those relationships didn’t work.

That may explain why you have bailed out, or pulled out, or chosen not to see a woman anymore. It’s because you were aware of the future. Were you aware of it but unwilling to see it? Did you make yourself wrong for it?

If the woman has a future in which you have to be a follower, are you going to be any good at that? Are you a follower? Are you willing to be a leader? Or are you trying to avoid being the leader you could be?

Many men get so involved with the women in their life, thinking they’re going to choose something that’s going to make everything work more easily. How often does that occur?

If you can see what has not been working in your life, you can create something greater. You have the ability to create something other people don’t have the ability to create. What could you create now, that you have not yet chosen?

What Does it Mean to be a Gentleman?

A gentleman comes from no conclusion, and because he has no judgment,

he opens the door to possibilities for each and every person he touches.

gents-02What does it mean to be a gentleman? What if being a gentleman meant something completely different than you might have considered?

If you’re a gentleman, you realize the value of each and every person you’re with. Gentlemen have no judgment of anyone. They only have the awareness of what might be possible for each and every person they’re around. What if you were willing to have the awareness of everything that’s possible instead of the judgment of what you should or shouldn’t do?

A gentleman has no judgment of what he does or what anybody else does. A gentleman doesn’t come to conclusion or judgment. If you were going to look for the opposite of gentleman you might look for a sexist. That’s close to being the opposite of gentleman.

A sexist is one who has determined what is right. He has decided that it’s the way it’s supposed to be and that’s what you have to do. Being a gentleman means you’re looking for the possibilities. You’re not looking for the conclusions, and you’re not looking for the judgment.

With regard to women, a gentleman is one who is willing to recognize what a woman needs and to deliver that. If you’re willing to be a gentleman, you’re willing to see what a woman requires of you. A gentleman doesn’t just take in a man’s point of view. He is willing to see the woman’s point of view, as well. He is willing to see what he can do that will create a different possibility. If you are not willing to see what you’re capable of creating as a different possibility, are you truly able to create what you’d like to create?

As an example, I can be a gentleman and open the door for a woman when she’s getting into a car. When I do this, she says, “You’re such a gentleman.” What does that mean from her point of view? In order to create a relationship or sex with anybody, you have to be what they’re willing to have you be. If you’re willing to be a gentleman, women look at you from a different point of view. Is that point of view judgment or no judgment? It’s a point of view of no judgment.

As a gentleman, you’re always open to the possibility of what might occur rather than concluding and judging what can or cannot occur.

Let’s say you’re a gentleman and you’re out with a gay man and he’s your friend. Do you flirt with him or not? What if you would flirt with him? That’s what he requires and desires of you. Does it mean you’re going to do anything? No. It means you have the choice to give him what he desires of you. You have to be willing to see what people desire of you. If you’re not willing to be a gentleman, you’re not willing to see what people desire of you. A gentleman always knows what is required and desired of him and he delivers whatever he chooses.

Being a gentleman is the willingness to be something other people aren’t willing to be. People always choose judgment over possibility. As a true gentleman, you will always choose possibility over judgment, which invites people to greater possibilities. A gentleman comes from no conclusion, and because he has no judgment, he opens the door to possibilities for each and every person he touches.

If you are a gentleman, you will always ask for everyone to become more of what they can be, not less. If you would choose to be more of you, what possibilities could you invite for you and every person you touch?

What is the Gentlemen’s Club?

What is being a man in a rapidly changing world?


In a new and changing world, what does being a man really mean? In The Gentlemen’s Club, Gary Douglas and a group of men candidly explore the possibilities that can exist for men in a changing world. They discuss how men can adapt, change, grow, and thrive.

Men are expected to achieve in so many areas in life. Yet many men find this challenging and often elusive. Men are so often expected to be empowered and strong. Yet current rates of anxiety, depression and suicide are very high among men. Have men ever been encouraged to be men?

The Gentlemen’s Club covers a vast array of topics, including men’s relationships with women, sex, commitment, and so much more. It is a fascinating exploration of men in a modern time. Gary Douglas offers tools and advice on how men can grow and thrive in a changing world, and discover what would make them thrilled with their life.

Gary Douglas skilfully delves into what truly being a man is. He facilitates men to begin to trust themselves again and to become aware of different possibilities. The use of simple and effective tools from Access Consciousness® opens into incredible change and growth in men’s lives. This book helps men to recognize the gift they can be. It allows men to see how they can be a contribution in a changing world.

As one participant said: “I’m so grateful for The Gentlemen’s Club. For the first time in my life, I’m happy about being a man and being in a man’s body.”

Gary Douglas wants every person to be happy and live a life of ease. He talks about trusting yourself as a man and creating a sense of partnership with other men, rather than a functioning from a place of competition. He looks at how men can operate from a space of kindness for themselves, their partners and families and their peer groups. This book offers tools and techniques that facilitate change in every area of life in a joyful way.

If you are interested in The Gentlemen’s Club please visit for an extensive range of resources for men. For more information on Access Consciousness, visit and for more information on Gary Douglas, visit Access Consciousness publishes a large volume of inspiring and empowering books on the leading edge of consciousness. What else would you like to read?

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